Well, it has been a rough couple of days for Rhys and I. And though I really think Rhys should be the one telling about this (he having been clear headed all through this while I was pretty much off my hinges) he insists that I give it a shot. So here goes…..
Rhys has a very close friend ( lets call her G ) who matters a lot to him, but he had not come out to her. G is a very sweet girl and Rhys likes her and values her as a friend ( he used to have a crush on her but that’s another blog entry…….. later someday maybe) so it used to bother him that he hadn’t told her about us. I knew it was important for him and that G is quite understanding, and so I convinced ( pretty much brow-beat) him into coming out to her and despite his many protests, he came out to her on Monday. She was very understanding and supportive about it all but she confessed to Rhys that she had a thing for him. Rhys was very confused with this so he didn’t really respond to that. After he got back to his house, he called me up and told me all about it. I could tell that Rhys was very relieved at having finally come out to G but he still hadn’t told her about us and he let me know that he wanted to. Though I was very apprehensive about the whole thing, I agreed but had this strange impulse to tell her myself. So I met up with G and told her everything in what must have been an incredibly shocking couple of hours for her. We had a real heart-to-heart talk and it was very liberating but I could sense a little bit of awkwardness on her part and maybe even a little disappointment. I almost felt as if she was giving up Rhys because of me, and I didn’t want that to happen so I asked her if she would have gotten together with Rhys if I had not been in the picture. She said No, she wasn’t ready for a relation. But I couldn’t shake off this feeling that maybe I was coming in between G and Rhys.
This left me in a terrible state of mind. On one hand I was afraid of losing Rhys , but on the other hand I know that Rhys could find more lasting happiness with G than he would ever find with me. My heart was crying out at the thought of losing Rhys but My mind kept telling me it was the right thing to do.
So torn up was I and I couldn’t tell Rhys for the fear of hurting him. So I kept it to myself and hid all my feelings beneath a mask of rude and gruff manner. When Rhys called to ask me how it went, I acted like a jerk and hung up really soon for I was afraid that he would sense something was wrong and I definitely didn’t want that……
So that was how Monday ended, with me almost decided on breaking up with Rhys weeping silent tears at my own decision……..