Coming out to my best friend G was a tough job… When Monday ended i was exhausted and went to bed with a heavy heart and upset mind because of all the events of the day ( coming out to G, Nick telling the truth about us to G, and Nick getting upset, sad, emotional and tensed ).. I knew Nick how u felt that night ( your attempts at trying to conceal your feelings by hanging up the phone can work on other people but not on me… Remember this..!!! )
Somehow i passed that night by disturbed sleep and woke up early the next morning on Tuesday… I just got ready in a hurry ( didn’t even felt like grooming myself, so i didn’t shave that day ) and went to college… I met Nick in the morning before he left for the usual classes because i knew he hadn’t had anything since the last night and so i made him eat some food… I could clearly see how much upset he was while he had eating.. He didn’t even look straight into my eyes ( he never did that, instead he had his eyes fixed on me many times even in public ). And he said ” I don’t know what to do.. I am tired of thinking… If we continue seeing each other, it would be disastrous for both of us..”
With this we both left for our classes.. I couldn’t take my mind off what Nick said the whole day… Somehow the day passed and we met in evening for our usual art session… But both of us were too upset to do anything other than solving our problem.. Nick just went to bed and said nothing…. I had never seen Nick so upset n depressed, the way he was on Tuesday evening.. He just buried his face in the pillow and acted like he is sleeping.. I kept on looking at him for sometime… Then he spoke in a very feeble voice ” I don’t want to hurt you… I am coming in between you and G…. So i think the right thing is for you to go to G… I love u a lot but can’t hurt you… And i am clear about one thing.. I will break up with you as soon as my friend ( who he loves a lot, lets call her K ) will get together with me… And then i can’t see you crying”
To this my reaction was ” I too love you a lot Nick… Don’t worry about the future… No one knows whats gonna happen next… Please just continue with this… I won’t cry when u leave me ( there is a reason for it as to why i won’t cry, which will require another post) and won’t let u do that ever… So your concern of hurting me no longer stands… And you are not coming in between me and G…. G is not ready for a relation right now and so even if i break up with you, I can’t start any other relation and plus G is also not ready for it… Just stop worrying about the future….”
After this there was a complete silence in the room, an unbearable silence…. We were still holding each other’s hands… And Nick was still quiet… After nearly 3-5 minutes, Nick said ” lets do it…. I don’t know if we are doing the right thing or not, but i can’t leave you… ” And we hugged each other….
I must confess that it took me a lot of effort to convince Nick, as Nick is a person who usually does what he thinks is right and rarely gets influenced by others… He was upset and so didn’t want to listen to my logical explanations for anything and rejected whatever i was saying right away… I don’t know how i got so much patient while convincing Nick… May be that’s Nick’s love that has changed me…
I just wanna say one thing now… “Nick, We love each other and I have faith in our love…. Whatever happens we will be together….”
Love u always