17 Aug., 2012
While i was driving back home today, suddenly this statement just crossed my mind and i was thinking the relevance of this. Why this “unusual” line crossed my “conventionally thinking” mind. Then i realized what it is. The full sentence is ” I’ m dis-inhibited right now… You can ask me anything you want dude….” Confused..??? Let me explain ti to you.
Nearly an year ago, somewhere in August or September 2011, I got this message from Nick (and we were not committed back then.. Just good friends only) that ” I went out with some friends and had a few drinks and some what extra may be. So i’m drunk right now and DIS-INHIBITED. You can ask me anything you want, i will answer you……” Let me tell you that at this time, i had already fallen for Nick and i was just trying to find some opportunity to talk to Nick about gays, sex etc. so that we can get more comfortable with each other and I would ultimately get cozy n all with him.. lol…. 😛 😀
Anyways, i thought its a great chance to ask him about his past life and his past experiences with other guys (if any). But i didn’t ask him anything. Instead i replied him back ” I don’t know what to ask you as of now. But i will surely ask you something later on. Is that fine with you..??” To this Nick replied ” Naah…!!! You are being an opportunity right now. Don’t waste it. If you won’t ask me anything, then don’t crib later that you never get to know anything about me… You have the liberty to ask ANYTHING….!!!” But at that moment i was more worried about him rather than getting secrets out of my drunk friend who happened to be my secret crush for almost past 3-4 months…!!!!
I finally replied to him ” how are you feeling ??? You need to get something to drink to avoid hangover tomorrow. Get something refreshing or light to drink and sleep for a while. Message me when your up and feeling a bit better…” Now i don’t remember exactly what did he reply to it or he even replied or not because i think he slept after my last message and replied after many hours that “ I’m up now. But having a severe hangover. I’ m sorry if i said anything last night in drunken state…” I was relieved that he didn’t remember anything from last night but at the same time a bit worried that he was suffering from a bad headache and i wasn’t with him to take care of him. Then we exchanged a few more messages and i made sure that he was taking liquids regularly and eating something at frequent intervals, so that he could get out of his “hangover”. 😛 😀
Interestingly, i never needed the assistance of alcohol to get “DIS-INHIBITED”. Usually whenever i was very sleepy, i used to message Nick “hey i m very very sleepy. And not in my full senses. You can ask me anything you want. I want to tell everything about me And by the way i get very emotional in these sleepy states of mind… 😛 😀 ” My basic purpose behind these kind of messages was to create a level of understanding between the two of us, so that i could tell him about my feelings for him and about my past with a guy (as i wasn’t sure if Nick was actually gay/bi and what he turned out to be straight and then he might have humiliated me and left me, and i couldn’t afford to loose such a great friend).
Once around October or November, i remember that i messaged him in the morning ” Good morning..!! I had very nice dreams last night. And now i am having a hard on.. ” I know the last line was too random and desperate but i wanted to talk to him and tell him everything. By now, even Nick had got an idea that i wanted to tell him something and that once in a while i was trying to hit on him.. lol… To that message of mine, he replied (just to tease me) “It’s called morning wood.. And its normal… :D” That’s it.. Nothing else. Anyways, I thought i have tried a lot. So i just thought of giving up then.
But then a few days later, we both were chatting over phone normally, and some how the topic of past life (esp. sex life) came up and i said to Nick ” I am so sure you never had any sex life.. You seem to be a boring guy and i don’t think you even ever had any girl in your past life..lol 😛 😀 “. To this he replied ” Don’t be so sure about this. You can never predict anything about anyone and especially not about me without knowing me…” I got a bit excited that our conversation was finally going somewhere and i might be able to know about his feelings and his past and i could finally confess everything to him. So i replied ” Is it Nick…??? Then why don;t you tell me everything about you right now and let me see if u ever had any past sex life or even have anyone right now.. What say dude..??” Nick replied “These things are not told over phone or messages. These explicit details of my past can be explored only in person, when we are talking face to face…” Yes..!!! Finally i got what i wanted. A personal talk with him about our past and everything related to our sex life… I replied to him in a way so as to hide my excitement and show to him as if it would be normal for me to have such a conversation with him in person and so i said ” Sure, why not… Lets sit together some time soon and have a discussion about our past and about your “mysterious” sex life…. :D:D ”
So we decided a time and date to have this discussion where we both finally opened up to each to other and expressed our feelings. And surprisingly, he also confessed that he had some feelings for me. What happened in that meeting would require another long blog entry which i might write next in a few days.
I hope you liked the story so far about Nick and Rhys. 🙂