Many of us closeted gays walk a little conscious every day for the fear of being Outed. The worst part of this existence is the inability to actively oppose the instances of homophobia we see around us for the fear of being identified as a queer ourselves. It always made me feel like I was somehow contributing to homophobia and while recently I did privately talk to the friends whom I am out to and let them know when they inadvertently make a homophobic remarks or joke, it just didn’t seem enough.
And while I would like to think that in my own little way I am trying to change the mindset of people around me, I knew deep down that I could do a lot more, be a lot more proactive in my support of equality for all. But I am always afraid, What if I am called a fag ? What if I lose my friends ? What if …….
Bound in my fears I would suffocate in situations like these until such time that I began to keep my distance from anyone who made such jokes. Even when I knew that explaining to them as to why their jokes were hurtful would probably make them realize their mistake, I prefer to quietly walk away and in the process lost a few dear friends.
So as I continue with my one-step-forward-two-step-back approach to fighting homophobia, Hubby Dearest steps up and shows us all how it is done…….
Our college has a DramSoc and Rhys is a part of it ( he is soo talented ). But the only play they put up is a satire on the famous and infamous students on campus. All in good humour of course. Except that any boy who shows the slightest of feminine traits is ridiculed as being gay . Rhys decided today that he just can’t be a part of this and walked up to the group and just plain out told them that this is Homophobia and he will not have any part with this. And so convincing was he that this group of armchair liberals and closet bigots just could not find fault with his logic and agreed to remove the offensive scenes. Rhys didn’t even have to resort to his threat of walking away from the production all together ( which is what he planned to do if they hadn’t agreed )
Rhys I am just so proud of you. All the while I keep yapping about rights and free speech and the importance of educating people and you simply get up one fine day and just do it. Even though we both know there will be a backlash and a LOOOOOTTT of trash talk about you I want to you know that I have never been prouder to be able to walk alongside you. Love you baby !
One fine day, when Rhys and I decided to take a friend of ours to a gay party ( his first ). It was to be our first big party in months, so we were all super psyched. So we dress up , pick up our friend who was supposed to be “studying at a friend’s place all night” and got going.
Google turns up the most apt images at times !
Turns out the party was at the other end of town, so it was to be a looooong drive but we were all pumped and so time passed quickly. That is, until we came to the last traffic signal before we reach our destination. A car going across broke down right in front of us so we couldn’t move ahead and were stuck at the middle of the intersection as the lights changed and cars began heading straight at us. Thankfully they veered right and left to avoid hitting us but no one stopped to help the poor guy with his broken down car until I finally got down and had to stop traffic by standing in front of the cars ( felt like the Tienanmen Square Tank Man but with a line of sedans instead ) and then helped push the broken down car out of the way so we could move on and the traffic cleared up! Good deed of the day – check !
We arrived at the party, paid up and entered. It was a beautiful garden restaurant styled on Santorini with beautiful white walls and pebbled walkways. Rhys and I immediately headed for the nearest empty seats while our friend dragged himself along surely feeling stuck with a boring couple while he had many cute guys glancing over at him. It was quite a while before we realized that our friend must be terribly bored so we went out to the dance floor and tried to shake a leg but truth be told i just wanted to get back to my sofa with Rhys to lean on. But we played the good host and danced till our friend had his fill of hot sweaty bodies gyrating against him before we went out to enjoy the cool night breeze.
Doesn’t this seem better than a party ?! It does to me ……. Something wrong with that ?
So we sat on a bench and reminisced about the parties we used to attend and I realized that somehow I no longer enjoy going to these parties as much as I used to. I would much rather go to a cozy cafe and have a romantic dinner and then drive out for great cup of coffee than spend hours in these crowded, smoke filled rooms with the all too loud music and the smell of beer and sweat making me faint. No longer do I enjoy the lustful eyes on me as I sway to the music with my arms around Rhys. Even the appreciative glances at pulling off a particularly low dip no longer gets me excited. I guess we have morphed into the cocooned couple!
Am i growing old ? or just growing up ?
Hmm, something to think about !
The final year of Med School is harder than I ever imagined. Classes and case presentations go into all hours of the night and the books keep getting thicker and thicker till I finally gave up trying to haul them all the way to the Library and have instead started studying in my room. Of course, all this may just be my petty excuse for having disappeared from this blog for quite a while !
Quite a lot has been going on these past few months. Hopefully I shall be able to write about them all. In any case, I have forgotten exact dates and sequences in which these ‘events’ occurred, so I resort to the wonderfully ambiguous ‘one fine day’ phrase to help me out ! Here goes the first of the One Fine Day posts …….
One fine day, while the weather was unusually hot for this time of the year; Rhys and I sat sweating in my room ( from the heat and nothing else , for a change ! 😛 ) discussing lunch options he made a wonderful suggestion – lets have dessert for lunch. So we drove all of 2 km down to a quaint little market we had never been to before ( and i can’t think of any reason why not, considering we usually head out to the much farther markets ) and tried to find the little cafe which according to our friends, serves the best red velvet cupcakes in town. But this little cafe called Elma’s and Edward’s ( ain’t that cute ) turned out to be a really well hidden secret – or at least that’s what we thought since we drove up and down the street without seeing any signs of it. Stubborn brat that i am, I declared that I will eat only at that cafe and no where else even if it means I have to walk up and down the entire market street- and that’s exactly what Rhys made me do ( Gosh, he is finally getting a hold on how to deal with me……. will he change me into a better man ? I better be careful not to let that happen 😛 ) And I did find the cafe on foot ! Didn’t even have to more than a couple of meters from where Rhys had parked the car . Seems like even lady luck understands that a lazy ass like mine must not be forced to work ……not even by my own stubbornness!
The Holy Grail we were after !!!
It turned out to be the cutest little cafe with round white tables and mismatched chairs. We had a chicken sandwich ( on the chefs recommendation ) and for dessert lunch – Two red velvet cupcakes, one coffee cupcake, one slice of Victoria sponge cake with a filling of strawberries and fresh cream. No, we were not thinking about our waistline ! The food was divine. The grilled sandwich had an extra slice of bread in the centre drenched in olive oil which made the sandwich wonderfully moist. The cupcakes Rhys seemed to enjoy but I thought they were a bit dried out – we both agreed it was a let down from the high expectations we had built up. The Sponge cake however made up for it- it was light, airy, with the right amount of sweetness and the strawberries giving a delightfully fresh fruity contrast to the mellow flavors in the cake!
Sitting in a cozy little cafe and eating great food while I gaze into Rhys pretty face – This is how every lunch should be !!!
The perfect setting !