In the suite of a swanky hotel at midnight, on an impulse I decided to tell my father I am Gay. And it shattered my life forever…..
He had flown in for a day to attend a conference and we agreed to meet up for dinner after my 12 hour day shift got over. After a pleasant meal, as we sat chatting and catching up on each others news, I felt the sudden urge to tell my father the only secret I have kept from him – ever. So i muster up the courage and tell him that I am gay.
He remains silent for a while and then starts sobbing , hysterically. And here are snippets of what my father tells me that long night –
” I would rather die than live on with a son like you”
” You have hurt me more than when your mother died, or your step mother left me or when your grandmother died”
“I have no reason to live”
“Why didn’t you die before committing such sins”
” I’ll slash my wrists or put a gun to my head if you don’t stop this sin “
” You are disgusting, perverted ….. you are not my son”
“Society will spit on you for being such a pervert “
” Your achievements mean nothing ….. you are just disgusting”
” You must marry and have kids or i’ll kill myself ”
I came out on an impulse …. A desire to not have to lie to my father anymore……. And now I am living a double life – maintaining a grand lie that is sapping the energy out of me everyday. Irony can be funny, if it weren’t so painful !
The only thought that is getting me through is that someday years from now, Rhys and I will be together, having our own little circle of family and friends and living the life we want to live.
Hope is all I got