Rhys and I decided to try an open relationship. And boy did we face questions! Mostly from within ourselves, a few from people around us. So let me answer those questions first – No, we weren’t unhappy / bored in the relationship. Yes, we are still very much in love. No, we do not consider it cheating/infidelity since it is a mutually agreed decision.
We have always valued open and honest communication in our relationship. We talk freely and frankly with each other and verbalize our thoughts and wishes without judgement. This allowed us to grow as a couple over the years.
Recently, we started discussing what are the boundaries of our relationship. In the course of that discussion, we came to understand that we don’t necessarily agree to the notion of fidelity being about sexual or physical intimacy. What is important is the feeling of belonging to each other, feeling at home in each other’s company. And that, we decided, should be what defines us.
Sex and sexual intimacy has been a subject of many a discussion for us over the years. We both are sex positive people and have explore our mutual kinks and fetishes, fulfilling sexual fantasizes as they arise. Now, we decided to explore down the path further by opening up our relationship to allow for sexual relations with others in all its forms – NSA hookups, FWB and any other undefined versions of it that may catch our fancy. The only caveat – to always be safe – physically, psychologically and sexually.
To that end, I chose to always inform Rhys about the details of my meetings – locations, timing and arrange a call if he should not hear from me in couple of hours. While I was initially apprehensive that it might be awkward, it really has not been. Here, I must admit I underestimated how progressive Rhys has become on the subject. Made me fall in love with him all the more with how warmly he embraced the concept without trepidation or ambiguous moral hang ups.
Of course, sexual health is a top priority for both of us. We are physicians in training after all. So we always ALWAYS use condoms and get tested for STI regularly. I also decided to start taking PrEP.
Excited to see where this experiment leads us. For now, its adios. We do hope to hear from all of you what are your thoughts about sexual boundaries of a relationship and sex positivity in general.
A lot has happened. A lot has changed. And yet much is still the same.
Yes, both Rhys and I moved to USA to pursue both our dream of being better physicians and being together. We are currently living, breathing and thriving in the frigid free air of the east coast. We live about an hour apart, separated by the Hudson, connected by the multitude of bridges and a mutual longing for shared silences.
Quietly celebrated our sixth anniversary, we continue with this beautiful relationship. As we grown as individuals and as a couple, we are questioning, exploring and pushing the boundaries of the social experiment of a relationship. So in coming posts, you may see us explore more varied topics – such as sex positivity, fidelity, polyamory, love and lust – alongside our more regular themes of the daily humdrum of a same -sex relationship. A disclaimer is warranted perhaps – neither of us are experts in social sciences and are musings will be just that, musings of two people going through life, jotting down random thoughts in hopes of telling a coherent story of a life lead.
So, this post is just me checking in to say hello to anyone who is still reading. Adios for now, will return when the urge to write takes over once more.
As the new year started, so did a new chapter in our lives. This is the fifth year that Rhys and I are together as a couple and what a gorgeous time it has been.
When viewed through my eyes, the world has changed in these past four years. So much so, that I can’t seem to remember what it was like before I met Rhys. Every moment of this time is so special that I would not change it for the world. We have both grown up over the years into different people than the ones who started dating all those years ago. And time only brought us closer together, entwining our lives and times into this beautiful pattern that our lives have become.
The better part of last year, we had to spend apart. And no amount of texts or calls would fill the gap that the thousand miles created. So it was with great difficulty that we planned to be together for a weekend and celebrate our anniversary. And that is what we did.
One freezing Friday morning, I landed in Chicago and into melted into Rhys arms. And my first taste of America ? A chocolate fudge cake he had baked for me. Nothing could have made our reunion sweeter. And thus began our weekend in Chicago.
It is the holiday season. Time to be with your loved ones. Celebrate in the closeness of a thousand shared memories. And enjoy the gift that is life. Except, Rhys is still in the United States and I at home. And if you didn’t feel the distance before, Boy ! the holiday season sure rubs it in.
So how do I deal with the loneliness you ask ? By binge watching videos on YouTube. Yup, that is right. I just discovered YouTube a few weeks back ( Apparently I lived under a rock until now ). And now I am glued to the screen. And just when I thought I might run out of channels to binge watch, the cutest couple I know posted fresh videos on their channel.
So here is the link to their awesome adventures…….
Go see the world through their eyes.
Here’s wishing them a loving home in every corner of the world that they visit.
Stating the obvious. Long distance is tough. Like really really tough. Barely a month in and I already miss Rhys with a visceral longing I did not even know I could feel. How will I get through the remaining five months?
It is not that I am lonely. It is just that even with company, I feel incomplete. These past few years have had their good time and bad. But through all of it Rhys has been by my side. And now I seem to have forgotten how to be by myself. This past weekend some friends of mine took me to a party ( coz I have been staying cooped up in my room.) It was a lovely venue and ordinarily I would have enjoyed myself, but it just felt weird to be by myself. I felt like an odd bundle of elbows and knees. It just doesn’t feel right to dance with anyone else anymore ( I honestly never thought I would turn down a dance but I guess I was wrong )
Where is my baby ? I can’t dance without him …..
Meanwhile my friends think I am being Mr. Snooty for avoiding them and my family is scared I will get sick from staying in my room day after day. But I see no point in going out because it ends up with me sulking and missing Rhys and offending whichever unlucky soul happens to be with me at the time. So it is youtube binge watching vlogs and a jar of cookies day after day.
Gosh ! I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself. About time I pull myself together.
Maybe tomorrow. Right now I still have my hand in the cookie jar. A few more vlogs to watch. I think I will watch other happy gay couples till I fall asleep.
P.S.- Meanwhile my baby just messages and he is getting Fro-Yo! Oddly enough, I am more excited by this than I have been all week!
So you guys know how Rhys is in Kentucky working on a research project. Well, today was his first day at work and while he was walking down the sidewalk, a shitty excuse of a man (sorry for the language) calls outand start ranting racist comments about Asians. Rhys is very shaken by the incident . And I am fuming.
I just can’t understand why would someone want to go out of their way to be mean. How can people be so hateful?
I need to go and blow off some Steam. Maybe punch a pillow or brake something . Coz I am so angry right now that I can’t even comfort Rhys.
Talk to you all later
Just an appeal PLEASE do not pass comments on strangers . If you don’t have anything nice to say then say nothing coz that is much better than being mean.
Rhys out did himself this time. He baked a cake for me ! A gorgeous moist fudgy chocolate cake with a chocolate ganache icing and m&ms ! And this was his first cake EVER !
Of course the Birthday eve meant a LOT of kamikazes and LIITs and I think there was some food involved but I can’t really remember any more. Rhys of course got the wonderful job of driving a very drunk me home and tucking me into bed but sleep was the last thing on my mind. And I got my way too – after all I was the birthday boy, albeit drunk and naked by then.
The cake was delicious, especially off my bae’s lips ! What is it with dark chocolate , the rich aroma, the smooth texture that melts oh so slowly on your tongue – new realms of pleasure. Though I suspect the special service may have heightened the pleasure. I always was of the opinion that chocolate is too perfect to be improved upon. Then Rhys did this –
Definite improvement …. wouldn’t you say ?
Love you Rhys :-*