Long Distance is tough

Stating the obvious. Long distance is tough. Like really really tough. Barely a month in and I already miss Rhys with a visceral longing I did not even know I could feel. How will I get through the remaining five months?

It is not that I am lonely. It is just that even with company, I feel incomplete. These past few years have had their good time and bad. But through all of it Rhys has been by my side. And now I seem to have forgotten how to be by myself. This past weekend some friends of mine took me to a party ( coz I have been staying cooped up in my room.) It was a lovely venue and ordinarily I would have enjoyed myself, but it just felt weird to be by myself. I felt like an odd bundle of elbows and knees. It just doesn’t feel right to dance with anyone else anymore ( I honestly never thought I would turn down a dance but I guess I was wrong )

Where is my baby ? I can’t dance without him …..

Meanwhile my friends think I am being Mr. Snooty for avoiding them and my family is scared I will get sick from staying in my room day after day. But I see no point in going out because it ends up with me sulking and missing Rhys and offending whichever unlucky soul happens to be with me at the time. So it is youtube binge watching vlogs and a jar of cookies day after day.

Gosh ! I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself. About time I pull myself together.

Maybe tomorrow. Right now I still have my hand in the cookie jar. A few more vlogs to watch. I think I will watch other happy gay couples till I fall asleep.

  • Nick

P.S.- Meanwhile my baby just messages and he is getting Fro-Yo! Oddly enough, I am more excited by this than I have been all week!

A

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Just like that……

First of all, I apologize to all of our regular and lovely readers for not being able to put up any post since long. And you know my usual reason, I was busy with studies and work etc etc. hahahaha.. 😀

Anyways, this post is not about any particular incident of our life. Instead it’s about how i had been feeling during the past week. when Nick was out of town to attend his cousin’s wedding and i was here, in the middle of all the work and studies. Usually, whenever i used to get free, i would text or call Nick and ask him for lunch or dinner (whichever it is), or simply text him to say “I am free.. 🙂 “. So it had kind of become a reflex for me to take phone out of the pocket when i get free.

But in the past week, whenever i used to get free, i would take my phone (without even thinking about it, just a reflex it is now), and i would look at the blank screen of my phone, smile at my forgetfulness, and keep my phone back in the pocket. Then all the way back, I would be thinking about Nick…

I have become addicted to you my love… Nick has always been singing the song “Baby I am addicted”- by Enrique. And during the past few days, i realized the actual meaning of this song, and understood why u always sing this for me (I am a bit slow, sorry for that.. lol 😀 )

“Baby i love You.. I am addicted to you… Muuuaaaahhhhhh…” 🙂

 

Rhys…

I’m feeling lucky…. ;)

I was just going through a blog and was surprised to see a so many trailers of Indian gay movies (Gosh…!!! I didn’t even know that there are several Indian gay movies, coincidentally some of which are currently being shown at Kolkatta Film festival ).

Anyways, the point is while i was watching these trailers i saw a part of the episode of “Days of our lives” ,  where it shows the story of a gay couple Sunny and Will. It was so cute, watching both of them fight with each other, getting closer then making out, thinking about their future etc.

The cute couple… 🙂

Love and much more… 😛 😉

While watching all this i suddenly realized how Lucky I’m to have such a loving boyfriend like Nick… I know its necessary to say this but I don’t want to waste any opportunity and say this to you-

I love you Nick… Thank you for being there for me always.. I am so lucky to have you as my boyfriend, best friend, my guide, mentor, and most importantly LOVE OF MY LIFE…. I am so thankful to God for giving me YOU… Love you always and forever….

Rhys….. 🙂 “

        

 

Lie to me….!!!!!!!

Its been 2 days since I returned from a 2 week long vacation cum work leave from Netherlands. Today i met Nick after 2 long weeks and we both hugged each other like anything.  Those last two weeks had been so lonely for both of us without each other.

I went to Netherlands on 7 July and we had spent a long night together before i left that day. On reaching there, I thought i will get busy with my work and stuff and these 2 weeks will pass very rapidly. But just after a day, i started missing him like hell and thought “Dude he is my boyfriend and i haven’t seen him in last 2 days and wont be able to see him for the next 2 weeks…OMG.. how will i survive..”. I called him at that very instant and talked to him for around 5mins and got some relief and we decided we will chat every night at a fixed time

.

Then we started chatting almost every night since then but because his laptop had crashed, so we couldn’t skype and had to resort to just gmail or watsapp, and believe me those simple chats were the best part of my trip. 🙂 I used to send him few pictures everyday and we used to discuss how our day was. And let me tell you, Nick was my sole support there whenever i got upset and talked to him to make my mood better and he always succeeded.

Interestingly, Nick asked me to go to clubs whenever possible and check out many guys there and flirt with them (Mr. Liberal Boyfriend.. lolzzz….). And i did as he said (me being an obedient boyfriend… 🙂 ) and checked out many guys there and a guy there even winked and smiled at me, but at that time i had to leave ’cause my friends were leaving and so nothing happened after that.

Anyhow, those 2 weeks passed without Nick and when i came back, we hugged each other so tightly, made out like passionate lovers and had sex like wild animals.. hahahahahaha.. 😀 :D. And i also gave him his gift which i got for him from Netherlands.

After all this, we were just lying in each other’s arms. Just then Nick asked me something. He asked me what will be our future as we both know it’s not possible and practical in a society where we live, to get married and live together. We also discussed about the girls in our lives (lets call my girl G and his girl H). He loves H as much he loves me but he said he can’t leave me, and doesn’t know now what will he say to H. He is confused about all this. Moreover, he asked me if i am ever going to ask out G, and i said I won’t. NIck emphasized further that both of us already knew its not going to work out between two of us (Nick and me) as a long term relationship, considering the fact that our “conservative society” wont accept it. But on the contrary, we both are extremely happy at the time and we don’t want to break up such “a beautiful relation called Love” just for the future which is still unknown to us…!!!

This discussion was left in the middle as we both had to got for some work. I came home but since then, i haven’t been able to stop myself from thinking about it. Although we started dating each other only after discussing the consequences and we very well knew that we will have to break up eventually, but somehow in these past 6 months, an extremely wonderful relation has grown in between us, beyond the limits of explanation in words. It’s more than love, more than friendship, more than just a brother… I know it will sound very melodramatic to you all, but its all true.

Nick, i haven’t posted it here to upset you or anything but to express what you mean to me and that the dilemma which u are facing now, i have been facing since a long time but i never cared to look into it as it would have made me sad altogether. I got a bit sad today when u said ” we both knew already that there is no future in our relation……..” but that sadness didn’t hit me at that time ’cause i was with you and when i m with you, no negative thing can affect me.

My take on this would be “ I don’t want to think about it and be happy with whatever time i have with you.. I can lie to myself  about the fact that we can’t be together forever and live with this false belief, so that both of us can stay happy for as long as possible….. “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would appreciate it if the readers of this post could suggest us something.

Love

Rhys