Rhys and I decided to try an open relationship. And boy did we face questions! Mostly from within ourselves, a few from people around us. So let me answer those questions first – No, we weren’t unhappy / bored in the relationship. Yes, we are still very much in love. No, we do not consider it cheating/infidelity since it is a mutually agreed decision.
We have always valued open and honest communication in our relationship. We talk freely and frankly with each other and verbalize our thoughts and wishes without judgement. This allowed us to grow as a couple over the years.
Recently, we started discussing what are the boundaries of our relationship. In the course of that discussion, we came to understand that we don’t necessarily agree to the notion of fidelity being about sexual or physical intimacy. What is important is the feeling of belonging to each other, feeling at home in each other’s company. And that, we decided, should be what defines us.
Sex and sexual intimacy has been a subject of many a discussion for us over the years. We both are sex positive people and have explore our mutual kinks and fetishes, fulfilling sexual fantasizes as they arise. Now, we decided to explore down the path further by opening up our relationship to allow for sexual relations with others in all its forms – NSA hookups, FWB and any other undefined versions of it that may catch our fancy. The only caveat – to always be safe – physically, psychologically and sexually.
To that end, I chose to always inform Rhys about the details of my meetings – locations, timing and arrange a call if he should not hear from me in couple of hours. While I was initially apprehensive that it might be awkward, it really has not been. Here, I must admit I underestimated how progressive Rhys has become on the subject. Made me fall in love with him all the more with how warmly he embraced the concept without trepidation or ambiguous moral hang ups.
Of course, sexual health is a top priority for both of us. We are physicians in training after all. So we always ALWAYS use condoms and get tested for STI regularly. I also decided to start taking PrEP.
Excited to see where this experiment leads us. For now, its adios. We do hope to hear from all of you what are your thoughts about sexual boundaries of a relationship and sex positivity in general.
Often I come across people who would say this to me in a pathetic pity tone “Oh you are committed.. You don’t know how it feels like to have random sex and hook-ups.” or “You are wasting your youth, your life.” or “Hahaha !! You can never realize the satisfaction in having random meaningless sex” or “You just a committed boring guy.” , and muhc more similar rubbish crap….
I wanna shoot out to all the single men in in the LGBTQ community that being in a relationship isn’t the worst thing in a gay’s life. I love being in a relationship, and I feel lucky to be with a guy who loves me more than anyone.
Yes I am a gay guy without any past hook ups or random one night stands. But I don’t feel that this is something I would regret in my life ever. I am not the kind of guy who can have random meaningless sex with a guy whose name I get to know in the morning after the hangover (and sex) !
No one has a right to judge me by passing such hideous comments on my relationship status, or by pitying me. Just because you cannot handle a relationship or get your shit together, that doesn’t give you any privilege or an upper hand in life to look down upon committed guys like me and say such disgraceful things.
Secondly, another irritating thing I have been hearing recently is that since gays are superficial, I should dress up properly so I can be liked by others based solely on my appearance. I am sorry but I beg to differ guys. I don’t believe that outer superficial appearance is everything. Stop judging a book just by its cover !!!
I do not and cannot bend according to so many stereotypes of the gay community itself that I would lose my identity eventually. We already have a lot of stereotypes of the straight hetero”normal” society. Please do not pressurize the people of your own community by putting up many more such stereotypes.
I just wanted to vent out my anger that has been piling up since a long time, and I had no one to talk to.
Good night folks !
Stating the obvious. Long distance is tough. Like really really tough. Barely a month in and I already miss Rhys with a visceral longing I did not even know I could feel. How will I get through the remaining five months?
It is not that I am lonely. It is just that even with company, I feel incomplete. These past few years have had their good time and bad. But through all of it Rhys has been by my side. And now I seem to have forgotten how to be by myself. This past weekend some friends of mine took me to a party ( coz I have been staying cooped up in my room.) It was a lovely venue and ordinarily I would have enjoyed myself, but it just felt weird to be by myself. I felt like an odd bundle of elbows and knees. It just doesn’t feel right to dance with anyone else anymore ( I honestly never thought I would turn down a dance but I guess I was wrong )
Where is my baby ? I can’t dance without him …..
Meanwhile my friends think I am being Mr. Snooty for avoiding them and my family is scared I will get sick from staying in my room day after day. But I see no point in going out because it ends up with me sulking and missing Rhys and offending whichever unlucky soul happens to be with me at the time. So it is youtube binge watching vlogs and a jar of cookies day after day.
Gosh ! I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself. About time I pull myself together.
Maybe tomorrow. Right now I still have my hand in the cookie jar. A few more vlogs to watch. I think I will watch other happy gay couples till I fall asleep.
P.S.- Meanwhile my baby just messages and he is getting Fro-Yo! Oddly enough, I am more excited by this than I have been all week!
Rhys out did himself this time. He baked a cake for me ! A gorgeous moist fudgy chocolate cake with a chocolate ganache icing and m&ms ! And this was his first cake EVER !
Of course the Birthday eve meant a LOT of kamikazes and LIITs and I think there was some food involved but I can’t really remember any more. Rhys of course got the wonderful job of driving a very drunk me home and tucking me into bed but sleep was the last thing on my mind. And I got my way too – after all I was the birthday boy, albeit drunk and naked by then.
The cake was delicious, especially off my bae’s lips ! What is it with dark chocolate , the rich aroma, the smooth texture that melts oh so slowly on your tongue – new realms of pleasure. Though I suspect the special service may have heightened the pleasure. I always was of the opinion that chocolate is too perfect to be improved upon. Then Rhys did this –
Definite improvement …. wouldn’t you say ?
Love you Rhys :-*
Well okay if you wanna get technical , its not my birthday YET ! But I am soooo excited. The first birthday in ages when I won’t have to worry about exams and studies and hospitals and all. So super psyched !
Also, this is the last few days I get to spend with Rhys before I leave for a vacation and he leaves for his new job in the US. Have mixed feelings about that – though I am super super super proud of my baby for getting this job, I know I’ll miss him A LOT. The last time he was away for three months, it was torture. For the both of us. But I guess we’ll get through it.
Right now though, I won’t dwell on that.. Right now is party time. I know Rhys has an amazing two days planned and I can’t wait to get started !
It’s ( almost ) my birthday !
The awesome people at Harmless Hugs in Delhi put together the first LGBTQ+ Flashmob in India. And what a spectacle it was ! Such a proclamation – We are here and we are Queer ! Deal with it …..
Hello all you lovely peeps,
Well, needless to say, we have been very bad bloggers. Over the last year or so we just haven’t blogged all that much now, have we ? And for that we are so very sorry !
Just a quick update for now.
Rhys and I have graduated Med School and now are officially doctors ! Yay !
Also in other news, Rhys is moving to Kentucky for 6 months starting Sept coz he got accepted at a research position there. And I am so proud of him ! But it means we will be living apart for 6 months 😥 So these days we are spending every moment we can together.
Till next time