Long Distance is tough

Stating the obvious. Long distance is tough. Like really really tough. Barely a month in and I already miss Rhys with a visceral longing I did not even know I could feel. How will I get through the remaining five months?

It is not that I am lonely. It is just that even with company, I feel incomplete. These past few years have had their good time and bad. But through all of it Rhys has been by my side. And now I seem to have forgotten how to be by myself. This past weekend some friends of mine took me to a party ( coz I have been staying cooped up in my room.) It was a lovely venue and ordinarily I would have enjoyed myself, but it just¬†felt weird to be by myself. I felt like an odd bundle of elbows and knees. It just doesn’t feel right to dance with anyone else anymore ( I honestly never thought I would turn down a dance but I guess I was wrong )

Where is my baby ? I can’t dance without him …..

Meanwhile my friends think I am being Mr. Snooty for avoiding them and my family is scared I will get sick from staying in my room day after day. But I see no point in going out because it ends up with me sulking and missing Rhys and offending whichever unlucky soul happens to be with me at the time. So it is youtube binge watching vlogs and a jar of cookies day after day.

Gosh ! I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself. About time I pull myself together.

Maybe tomorrow. Right now I still have my hand in the cookie jar. A few more vlogs to watch. I think I will watch other happy gay couples till I fall asleep.

  • Nick

P.S.- Meanwhile my baby just messages and he is getting Fro-Yo! Oddly enough, I am more excited by this than I have been all week!

A

I Miss You, Rhys!

It’s almost 5 in the morning. And I haven’t slept all night. All plans to study have been set aside, the night having been spent watching shelter and thinking of Rhys. Must have played the song Lie to Me 10- 15 times already and I still can’t get enough. All this while Rhys is at his home, probably sound asleep in his bed while I sit here in my hostel room missing him- ¬†sulking like a twelve year old over his absence.

It’s not even been a full day since I last held you in my arms. Then how come I miss you so much? Why am I spending a sleepless night thinking about you when yesterday I slept so well in your arms? I miss you Rhys……. Even though I know your sleeping soundly now and will message me when you wake up …. even though I shall talk to you in a few hours…… even though I shall see you again tomorrow….. I still miss you, so much that it hurts- a deep visceral pain that I just can’t describe.

Everything around me reminds me of you, my bed where I held you for the first time, the mirrors that you got for me, the easel you got me for my birthday, the chair where you sat all through last year during our study sessions. They all remind me of you, and of the fact that you’re not here.

Why can’t I be with you now and for ever after? Why does this have to be so difficult? Why can’t we share our lives with each other?

I Miss You!